Everyday is filled with choices.. little unimportant ones like what everyone needs to wear that day or what to make for dinner..but most recently many of our days have included more serious life or death choices. I am getting better at those. Then there are parenting choices and marital choices and just plain personal choices about how we handle all the other choices..some of these are life-changing, soul-shaping choices.
The picture below is at the conclusion of Sam's bath after I attempted to bathe him with his feeding pump connected by his tubes and the IV pole dragged in the bathroom while holding his weak little floppy body in one hand and fighting his other hands away from playing with the exposed feeding tube. I found myself calling for Jason's aid to hang on to my slippery little son and asking myself, "Why was I doing this the hard way?"
You had to be there..it was a priceless bad choice costing me more time than it saved! I finally got him disconnected from the feeding, narrowly avoiding Sam yanking the tube out which would have required another trip to the hospital for another procedure. After all that, the bath I thought would make him feel better really just made him fully irritated. All that struggle.. because I was behind on everything and thought I could just wedge in two things at one time. Jeez.
I have long struggled (even before Sam came on the scene) with the issue of over scheduling myself or trying to jam in too many things at once..call it Busy Momma Syndrome! I think it is actually more prevalent than realized by my generation. We think we are superwomen, climbing tall buildings in a single bound! Whomever coined the term "Moms CAN have it all" was obviously not a mother for very long. I know we are told we can do ALL things through Christ..but I don't think that means all things we selfishly value in the year 2010.
Did Jesus know there would be this whole inner struggle of the stay at home mom vs. working mom? Did he see the age of computers and facebook and the pressure to have a brilliant child who reads before the age of 3? Did he know moms would taxi their kids all over town just to make sure they had lots of new experiences. Surely he did not imagine the material objects that would fill this world and try to steal our core values.. or maybe he did. He knew we would be lured by the idea of "having it all"..so he hoped to guide us in figuring out what actually really matters and how to be strong through the stuff we have no control over. Anyways... I am no longer hung up on the lure to have it all..and frankly I don't need to go back to being "hurried" by unimportant busyness that traps so many women of my generation. I am crazy insane busy enough surviving the stuff that has to be done and the rest is gonna go.
So laying in bed last night I made this one decision on something that I kept putting off. I had too many other things crammed in my head and that one was put to the back but actually was more important. Maybe if I stop letting the junk cloud my choices and fill my head I will make the right choices on the stuff that actually matters. The road ahead is not easy to always see right now.. but I am feeling more confident that whatever lies ahead we will weather it fine one choice at a time.
The Road Not Taken
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I marked the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.