The Narrow Gate

I attended my MOPS (mothers of preschoolers) group meeting this week, which has been somewhat rare for me this year. It was a hectic morning with getting both girls fed, dressed and out the door, training a new nurse, tracking down a tardy physical therapist, securing food for the potluck meeting, ordering meds to refill, and then getting broadsided by a phone call from Jason to say that my child is the only munchkin in the her class whole school in full uniform on a spirit shirt casual day... ugg..all by 8 am.. so after packing up change of clothes for her, stopping by at the meeting to secure someone to help with my check-in duty at the meeting and then getting across town to my daughter's school with the new clothes.. I finally made it into my seat at MOPS, over an hour late to the meeting. I hated the breakneck feel of that morning.

I marvel that for 2 years before everything got intense with Sam's arrival last spring, I somehow lived and breathed the details of co-coordinating this group of women along side a girlfriend. It was possible to accomplish because it was something that fed our spirit. We would wrestle numerous plates of food, bags of projects, wrangle up volunteers, decorate and plan themes and speakers, organize outings and service projects etc....and after the meeting we would feel a rush of joy that we reached other moms. The rest of my life was crammed with everything we all do as moms each day. I worked from home and attended social stuff on weekends, hosted or attended book clubs, worked out at the gym and helped with church activities as well as singing in my church choir. At times I was stretched to the max but as the pursuits seemed worthy I just charged forward. I am not that girl anymore. I can't handle a juggling act anymore. Strike that... Not that type of juggling act anymore. I have had to make choices. I now juggle Sam's medicines, 12 specialists and all the various dr appts, hospitalizations, daily therapies, insurance, alarms, interventions, nurses, feeding pumps, worries that the sky is falling, meals and bills and normal junk, little girls (enough said), and one very understanding husband. But.. those things are in a far more narrow field of focus.

My energy is not as divided to external forces. I do yearn to be more involved in my daughter's school and rejoin my choir and maybe one day hold another leadership position, but overall I am keeping my eyes on what best serves God and our family.

It is hard now-a-days to miss the recent trend of many modern moms juggling insane schedules of family and personal commitments, feeling obligated to the "hurried" lifestyle. They feel compelled to say yes to everything or to all the wrong things, often at the detriment of their children and marriages. I can't believe how many moms put going out in the evening throughout the week at the top of the priority list or spend hours at the gym and 10 minutes on homework. Learning to say no is a very important skill that every mother should learn, especially that of saying no to our own selfish wishes for certain freedoms of our past pursuits. We have to put the brakes on life in the fast lane. We should focus on the most important commitment handed down to us..our roles as wives and mothers. If we fragment that time with too many alternate pursuits, even the healthier variety.. we will be just that.. fragmented and spread too thin. Here is a line of scripture that spoke to me of this important choice. It really requires purposeful discipline of which I am still at work myself.

Enter through the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and spacious and broad is the way that leads away to destruction, and many are those who are entering through it. But the gate is narrow (contracted by pressure) and the way is straitened and compressed that leads away to life, and few are those who find it. Matthew 7:13-14

Tonight I pray for 2 moms that come to my mind battling the need to make good choices about where their attention should fall from hour to hour. I pray they see the good they can acheive in just creating a calmer life. I pray we all acheive a calmer life by choosing a more narrow path.

News on Sam today: He gained even more weight on the new regime of adding hourly supplemented pedialyte and fatty oil to his already beefed up caloric continuous feeds.. He is now 17 lbs 5 oz and his Dr seemed encouraged at this rate we may actually get back on some kind of growth curve!!! Also he has used the hand sign for daddy several times in the last 24 hours which is quite interesting as we just introduced the sign language over the last couple weeks. I think this may be a way he can better communicate with us until he is better able to access oromotor skills. Sam does not make many sounds beyond dadda but his therapists thinks much of this could be due to the neuromuscular and airway challenges he faces..we expect them to grow with time.